Fun, life, Life lessons, mother, parenting lessons

Mom & Me

I think this will be the first one in the series. I just wanted to throw this funny incident at the universe. You may ask why? Coz I think we all need to learn how to laugh at ourselves and this is the first lesson I have learnt from my mother.

So, I speak to mom everyday – on an average 35 times a week may be or even more. I speak about everything-things that are bothering me, issues at work, people not understanding me, how difficult it is to cook etc. So you get the picture right? It’s liberating to just tell her everything. So yesterday while we were discussing about life etc I asked her why she stopped sending me pictures on whatsapp. She said in a very jolly tone that there’s nothing interesting happening.I brushed off the entire incident by telling her that she must have forgotten how to send the photos.

So yesterday was a busy day at work and I was in middle of making a monster presentation. When all of a sudden I got a message on my phone- I chose to ignore it for few minutes and but then I checked it minutes later. I saw that I have a message from my mom and it was a photo that she has sent on my whatsapp. I looked at the pic couple of times and I wasn’t sure what my mom was trying to convey. I was a bit confused and annoyed as well that I get such mysterious photos in the midst of a crazy presentation. So I rang her up and asked her what that pic was all about and she said in a very jolly tone – ”So there is this leopard which had gone to drink some water from a big pot but then he got stuck and now he is walking around with a big pot on his head. It’s sad but quite funny as well so I sent you a pic because I thought it was interesting enough.” I started laughing like crazy and I told her that she is soo silly and she agreed with my point and started laughing at herself and that’s when I realised that we all need to learn to laugh at ourselves. And may be that’s why my mom has a chilled out day – everyday. I hope I can be like my mom and learn to laugh at myself once in a while because sometimes we all need to loosen up and stop taking ourselves soo S-E-R-I-O-U-S-L-Y.

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accident, life, marriage

Mother Vs Mother-in-Law

I am not a big fan of the Indian relationship system. It expects you to treat all relationships equally. For example treat your mother in law like your mother! I mean how lame is it? The mother in question kept me in her womb for 9 months, had sleepless nights because of me, couldn’t eat because of pregnancy sickness and nausea and dang suddenly once you’re married you’re expected to treat this new creature mother-in-law like your mom. I think it’s utter bull shit!

I believe in respecting people but my father-in-law can’t be my dad and the monster mother-in-law can’t be my mother. When you’re married against your family’s will there is a lot riding in a relationship to make it work but is it just the girl’s responsibility? Doesn’t the man of the house have the same set of responsibility? Well, I have always tried being nice to the in-laws till they fought with me and made my life hell when my husband was in UK. I was soo close to walking out of it but I gave it another go. I love my husband soo much that I was willing to put up with his miserable parents but at what cost?

My sister met with a major accident yesterday and when I was telling my husband about the situation she was quick to pass a snide comment – It’s good she dies. What’s the point of living like this! I swear to God I wanted to kick her soo hard and give her 1000 slaps. How demented can you be to say such a thing? This incident made me realise the difference between mom and mom-in-law! The mother in law will pretend that you’re part of the family and will find the first opportunity to give you one tight slap! I have zero respect for that woman now. Not only have I closed my heart but the doors of my house are also permanently closed. I wouldn’t want to be associated with such disgusting people! I only pray that my sister recovers!

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Now go home…..

She looked away,packed her bags and called a taxi at 1:30 am; prayed that she doesn’t get raped and sat in the cab. Cried for sometime and read couple of nasty messages that she got. Reached the airport only to realise she didn’t have the flight tickets with her. The security guards weren’t very happy with the digital ticket on her phone. At 4:30 she got a phone call and he said- go home, may be in a way it’s good that it happened. After 10 minutes she sat herself down and cried for 20 minutes. People started asking her what’s the issue but she had no words to explain what she had witnessed.

It’s been 3 years and she still doesn’t understand what went wrong, why was she punished, what was her fault.

After 3 years………

”we are coming. have to cancel our tickets . We will be there soon.”

Suddenly words stopped making sense to her and she stopped pretending that everything was fine. She realised that she was being used. Why didn’t they want to come and see her when she  was battling in the hospital.

Life sometimes doesn’t make sense. Sometimes she just sits and cries and doesn’t know what is the problem. She decided to stop pretending that everything was fine. She realised that she is all by herself and it’s going to be a  difficult battle. What she was aiming to achieve was a figment of her imagination but it sure did feel good.

Sometimes life throws you in such tricky situation and you’ve no clue what to do next. How to deal with people and their feelings. Sometimes you don’t want to tell people how hurt you’re. Sometimes you want to keep it to yourself cry for a while and you feel the problem has gone away the moment you wipe you tears. Only if it was that easy.

She was dealing with it for the last 26 years. They didn’t stand up for her when she needed them the most and now the time has come to leave them behind and move ahead. She might bump into them sometime and she is waiting for the day when she doesn’t have to block their calls and seeing them won’t make her unhappy. She is hoping that someday she will be able to see through them. Yes, sounds weird but sometimes people push you away, far away and even their existence stops making any difference to your life. She is waiting for the day when she forgets about their existence and moves on with her life.

As he said its good that it happened. Now go home……………..

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I BELONG TO MYSELF

solo girl

I’ve a small story to tell which might be a bit disturbing in multiple levels. I love travelling and I always wanted to travel on my own to far distant countries. I would love to go to Greece, Paris or Dubai all by myself- just me, my satchel, my bags and my magazines. Sip a glass of champagne and read my favourite magazine. Yes, travelling alone can be a bit daunting but I’ve done this before and it’s really nice. I remember two months back my mother was visiting me and I was telling her all about my solo travels in UK and she was quite surprised. She asked me how I did it and if I was scared. My answers surprised her and she was happy that I had a good time travelling alone. I have been married for little over 3 years but solo travels are really nice sometimes. It gives you time to think about your life, failed relationships and above all gives you alone time. Just few days ago I wanted to get myself a visa to travel to Dubai. Man, travelling to Dubai would be nice, is what I thought. 6 days getting away from the city, shopping and having tea and macaron at Paul sounded brilliant. So, I got my visa papers sorted and I was quite kicked to submit my documents when one of the visa officers asked me for the NOC letter from my father or husband and I wasn’t sure why he wanted it in the first place. I tried telling him that I am 27, I am independent and I have a job and for Christ sake I don’t need a bloody NOC to travel anywhere. 45 minutes later, this conversation wasn’t going anywhere and his last statement pissed me off. He said that the UAE govt would want to know who I belonged to. I couldn’t believe his words and decided to just leave.

I was quite upset and I wanted to punch the visa officer really hard but actually it wasn’t his fault, may be. He was just doing his job. Unfortunately we are living in an age where women can’t travel alone, if they choose to travel alone then the society starts doing trash talk. If we buy an expensive bag or perfume, the society will ask you if your rich father or rich husband paid for it. If we decide to watch a movie all by ourselves then people will ask you if everything is fine and if you are still married. Seriously, being a women is tough. We’re so screwed. Trust me the society will suck the life force out of you. I am a bit tired of the so called rules of the society. I have faced a lot music from the society on travelling alone, on buying expensive bags and shoes and on going to watch a play just by myself.

So dear Mr Society/Mrs Society, I would want to know what’s your problem. Why does it bother you so much if I travel alone or decide to buy an expensive bag for myself. I mean how jobless are you? Do you pay any of my bills? Please stop passing judgement. I don’t need anyone’s permission to travel or to buy a bag. So please mind your own business. I will do whatever I want to. I don’t need anyone’s approval. And yes, don’t tell me that I am a girl and I need to be careful. Please teach your sons to be human beings and not rape girls. Don’t tell your daughters to be careful, ask your son to treat girls with respect. Don’t tell them that boys don’t cry, teach them better. Boys don’t make others cry. I think the problem with the society is bad parenting. Parents always seem to have an excuse to pamper boys but when it comes to their daughters they follow archaic rules. I hope every mother stops discriminating and stops being partial to their sons. I hope the next time a son misbehaves with the daughter, the parents have the courage to slap the son and tell him to shut up and not tell their daughter to forgive the son. We need to change rules. We need to start being human beings first.

I hope I can travel to Dubai someday without a NOC from my father or my husband because I am not a piece of furniture and I don’t belong to anyone. I BELONG TO MYSELF.

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Relationships……..

Yesterday, I was trying to make a list of relationships that I have been in so . Such a task is never a happy one for most but for me it was a pretty easy one. Well, I moved to a boarding school when I was 16 . Things weren’t easy for me. I always dreamt of being in a relationship with a nice guy who would understand me, laugh with me, do crazy things and just don’t bother about the world. Well, you see it’s not really easy to get such a guy especially when you are studying in a girls’ school! So being in that one relationship was a herculean task for me. Of course I would get to meet a lot of guys who would want to take me out for coffee and such relationships were short lived. I think I have attention span of a 3 year old, I can easily forget people ! I am easy that way. So here I am , turning 27 and making a list of all the relationships that I have been in so far:

i) The weird one – I think when you are 16, you wear your heart on your sleeve. I met this guy and thought he was adorable. Fell in love with him in a jiffy and fell out of it in exactly 5 months. Ha ha ha. Now that I think about it, I find it soo silly. I mean what was I even thinking? He was horrible, would treat me like a trash bag and never respected me  and my friends never approved of him. Thank God for drilling some sense in me and I decided to show him the middle finger and moved on.

ii) The Charming One- I met this guy one day, I thought he was ridiculous. I hated him. He would call me every night and we would speak for 2-3 hours. My friend was madly in love with him but he had absolutely no interest in her. I thought he was just a friend but I realised after few months that he loves me and I was honestly not in love with him. He is a very good friend and I know that he would take a bullet for me but I never thought that he was the one. He was a buddy.

While I was on this crazy journey, trying to find ‘THE ONE’ who is perfect for me I discovered a thing or two about myself.. I am the happiest  when I am with myself. I enjoyed being in my room, not talking to anyone and just watching television. I enjoyed the loneliness. I enjoyed going for a movie all by myself. I enjoyed going to a spa and for coffee all by myself. Relationships have a big impact on you. There are some which put you in a spot, there are some that are old and familiar, some which answer all your questions, some which make you get a partner visa and move to a different continent altogether but the most exciting relationship of all is the relationship I have with myself.And in this solitary journey I found the one who loved my madness and loved me just the way I am and that’s just fabulous.

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Who has got the Time?

It took me exactly five months to write this. I had created this blog five months back but never really had the time to write something. Well, that’s the excuse I had in my mind. I have been wanting to do a lot of things but I never really did it as I never had the time.

After 24 years I have realised that my mum was right. I am plain LAZY and if I don’t want to do something then I tell people that I really don’t have the time for it as I am soo busy. Today while I was having my morning cuppa, my dad called my aunt and she was really upset as her family doesn’t have time for her and then all of a sudden I realised that – I don’t have the time is the real villain here.

I have come to realise that human beings are of 3 types:

i) Ambitious Nutcases- They are really busy achieving. They are never happy with what they have and always want more; more success, more money, more happiness. They never have time for anything. Trust me ANYTHING. It’s ok to be ambitious. There is nothing wrong with it but one should know where to draw the line. I was the ambitious one. I was never happy with what I had. I would put in extra hours and work hard/work smart but there came a time when I realised that I am done with it. Things happened and that was the wake up call. I shall write about it later, may be .

ii) Satisfied Genie- I love this second group. This is my favourite. They are really happy with what they have. They don’t complain, they take life as it comes and are satisfied. They take time off to do things they like. They don’t complain, don’t whine. They don’t say that they don’t have the time. My best friend is a satisfied genie and I am soo jealous of him/her. I was a satisfied genie after I moved back from UK. I was taking time off to do things I liked. I made time for myself but good habits are a bit difficult to maintain and I moved out of this phase as soon as I got a big career back and I was back to square one.

iii) Wuss/Confused Ninja – These are the people who know what they want but are not sure if that is the right thing for them. I think I am currently a confused ninja/wuss. I know what I want in life, I know the things I need to work on but I am scared to take the risk. I am scared to make the first move and every night when I go off to bed I know I have not done what I wanted to do and I have failed myself. It’s very difficult to take the first step and as you grow older it becomes more and more difficult.

Let me tell you a small story, there was a time when I was working 12 hours a day, I had no time for myself, for my husband and absolutely had no time for my mom and dad. I would speak to them everyday-may be 3 times a day but it was more like a list I was following. Then one fine day I realised that I am done with it and I quit my lovely job. I know a thousand people would kill to have this job but I just gave it up in one go. I didn’t think twice. I knew that it wasn’t worth the trouble I was going through and then one find day I packed my bags, booked my flight tickets and bought a book- EAT.PRAY.LOVE and traveled to Assam to do some soul searching. It’s been two months and I know what I want to do, things which went wrong but I am scared to make the first move. Guess, I have hurt myself too many times and I am scared to take the same road again. But I am done being a wuss. I am done feeling victimised. This phase needs to go. I need to have time for myself again. I need to do what I love and may be not always think about the consequences and most importantly I need to let go. I need to forget the past and move on with a smile and that is a work in progress right now.

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